Michael Vick outed as an Al Qaeda operative, sued for 63 billion dollars

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a "$63,000,000,000 billion dollar" lawsuit...

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So, Michael. Not only did you participate in dogfighting, but apparently, you stole this guy's pit bull mixes. Because you know, an NFL quarterback couldn't possibly afford to buy his own pit mixes, since there are like twenty at every animal shelter across the country.

And you couldn't just stop there.

No, you had to sell them to buy missiles from Iran. Since you could sell two mixed breed dogs and afford to buy a number of missiles. And since every quarterback this season is buying up as many missiles as they can get their hands on.

Next, you swore allegiance to Al Quaeda? You're a busy guy.

So... he stole two pit mixes, that were actually worth 63,000,000,000 billion dollars, from an inmate, sold them on eBay of all places, and used the huge sums of money you'd get from selling pit bull mixes to buy missiles from Iran, and then pledged allegiance to Al Quaeda, all between football practices. And the rightful owner of these dogs wants the money delivered by UPS and USPS, since he apparently thinks they're the same people, to the front gates of the prison where he is incarcerated.... for FRAUD!!! No way! Fraud? I would never have thought! I mean, aside from the fraud bit, that all makes perfect sense.

The only thing that makes it better is taking a look at the lawsuit itself. It's handwritten, for obvious reasons. Here it is!